Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Hmm..
SO we read an excerpt to days from "Stealng Budda's Lunch" and the author talks about how when she might get the slight chance to have a Hostess cupcake in her lunch how she would relish in devouring it. She would peel back the icing and eat the cake part first, then slowly munch on the icing. Hearing about how someone else ate when they were little kinda made me feel better about the wierd eater I used to be.
I remember my grandma making us those little individual pizzas when we stayed wih her throughout the week. I loved those things... kinda wonder if they still keep them in stock anywhere. Anyways, my brothers used to complain that i was a gross eater. I'd scrape of the gooey chees topping firth and eat that. Nex't i'd scrap out the fluffy middle from the crust and relis in how good it tasted. Last but not least I'd eat the crust. I never understood why I ate it that way. just seemed to make it taste better. You could really appreciate each part of the pizza.
But that's really not as bad as how I used to eat pizza rolls. First eating the filling and stacking the little pockets aside to eat last. I always did prefer how the crust tastes. The odd thing is that I never ate like this around anyone that mattered. It was only around my family. Those that would "love me no matter how odd I was." It's like subconsiously I would know who I could always trust with my little spouts of quirkiness.
Cakes ♥
6:31 PM
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Thursday, September 18, 2008
N where to go and every moment to get there.o
I'm bored. Not just the, "I'm waiting for someone to call me, there's nothing to do bored." But the, I have no motivation, everything has been done before, bored.
Are there any experiences left the can be mine first? I want to go to London next Spring. All I hear however is, "you have to do this," "you need to see that." Don't forget the most popular, "I had so much fun there!"
Maybe I'm just complaining. I am really excited about going, but at the same time I'm really nervous about it as well. I've never been out of the States before. Not to mention I'm going to be doing it ALONE! That's a bit of a weird concept for me. I like my alone time, but I think by the end of the day I'd like to have someone I know to talk about the day with. In person. Not online. I like to chat online occasionally, but I think I’ll get annoyed with not having a physical response to feed off of. My day will have been going for hours before pretty much every one I know would think to be getting out of bed.
What a weird concept. Usually I'm the one they have to pry out from under the blankets. I like my bed; it’s a kind of refuge. On a typical day I'm usually there as much as possible. Doing my homework, sleeping, sewing, and talking. I know you’re supposed to separate where you work from where you rest, but with the way my house is set up right now there’s really no other place to really utilize. My bed is a universal place to operate from. Doesn't mean I want to be trapped there, but its still a nice staple in my life.
Who knows what each day will bring. I'm hoping to do something fun this weekend. I need to get a project finished first. I think all my friends are going to like it. At least I hope they do. I'm proud of it so far
Cakes ♥
6:41 PM
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Thursday, September 11, 2008
Long nights and longer days...
So the past few nights and days have seemed to just blur together. I know I've been sleeping, but I never realize for how long, or that the day has really ended. If I hadn't of put dates into my
calendar today, I'd
prolly still be telling you that it's Tuesday! My sleeping medication hasn't even been doing the trick.
I'm not depressed, but I do feel as if maybe I'm missing something that's been staring me in the face. I've been doing my
homework, for the most part, working, balancing a social life, and still trying to get those few hours of "me" time in. I still feel as if
some thing's out of
wack.
I don't even have the feeling of being creative at the moment. I get the typical passing thought throughout the day, but can never seem to elaborate on it. I haven't even felt the need to sew. It seems that the only semblance I have to a normal outlook recently has been when I have been talking to my group. They know who they are. The sad thing is that even they can't seem to get me outta my funk.
I may not have the best memory in the world, but when it comes down to it, I have a knack for remembering the most uncanny details. Ask anyone. But here
recently I've felt like I have been missing
chunks of time. Like someone else has been pushing my
Conscious self out and taking over. I don't like missing memories or conversations....
Cakes ♥
6:51 PM
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Thursday, September 4, 2008
Contemplation
I've noticed recently that people assume that when I'm quiet that something is automatically wrong. I know I'm not the poster child for being quiet, but c'mon usually its just that I'm comfortable or thinking. Yes, I am a bubbly, charismatic, and open person from day to day, but there are points in time where I do enjoy just relaxing and taking a few moments to reflect. Especially when I’m in good company, and/or listening to music.
In an excerpt that was read today in class, there was a reference to how Midwesterners at a whole seemed to just sit and stare at something before talking about it. We sit there, take in the view, contemplate out personal opinions on it, and then factor in its useful/useless properties. I can see how it relates. I've noticed growing up in my small town that when things change it takes some looking (well actually a lot of looking), some contemplating, looking some more and then it’s possibly decided if it was a good change or if said new item belonged. Then it has to be discussed with everyone. I guess there are just some traits that you can't escape.
I love change, won't lie, it keeps me on my toes. Makes my life less monotone. I don’t like things being stagnant for to long. I get bored easily. Especially when things happen so much that they become routine. But the again, I notice myself just sitting and contemplating and staring when things change. It's like I have to re-evaluate where I'm going and with what intention every time something changes. Maybe it’s healthy... Maybe it’s a trait that I learned from people around me over time, I’m not sure. Opinions?
Cakes ♥
6:39 PM
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Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Early Memories...
I just got finished listening to an excerpt from
JoAnn Beard's book "Boys of my Youth." In the preface we heard about he earliest memory, and it started me thinking about the earliest memory that I have.
It was a long time ago, I couldn't have been much more than five. I was sitting in the front seat, long before it was regulation for young children to be in a booster in the back, and even then I think it was because both my little brothers were in car seats in the back. Mom was driving and we're
heading back from the shoe store. I remember that she was frustrated because we got there just after it was closing. I looked around outside the car and the sun was just setting. It was probably the most beautiful sight that I have ever seen. The pinks blended in to the oranges and reds that extended out from the orange-
ish yellow that was the sun. All this
occur ed over a field that had a nicely wooded area farther back. I don't remember being more content as a child as I was at that moment.
I'm actually very surprised that I remember this with such detail. Normally my memories are scattered and vague. They take
alot to jog the the full picture. I know my friends get frustrated when they try to get me to remember certain
converstations that I have with them. I feel sometimes as if they think I don't find our conversations interesting, I really do. It just takes
alot for me to sift through random thoughts, and many other things that cloud my mind throughout the day.
Cakes ♥
6:28 PM
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